Mission Statement
This blog was created for the purpose of writing a book entitled Starting Over After 50. It will be a coaching self help book designed to assist women in their journey of starting over in the second half of their life. It will offer tips and suggestions to assist in many different life areas.
Please as you read a post, leave a feedback comment. I am interested in what you think about what you read and whether or not you found it to be helpful. I am welcome any type of constructive criticism.
Please as you read a post, leave a feedback comment. I am interested in what you think about what you read and whether or not you found it to be helpful. I am welcome any type of constructive criticism.
Hi,
This Blog is an excellent idea, and meets the needs of so many contemporary women who are starting over after 50 - never having anticipated that they would have to do so. Good luck, Sandy - especially on your planned book! I look forward to reading it.
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Thank you for your kind comments!
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I am a 56 year old just graduating with an Associate of Applied Science in Architectural Engineering Technology. I am terrified that I will be discriminated against in the job market because of my age, but it's too early to tell. I'll keep you posted on what happens. I even have plans to complete my bachelors degree.
I have written a letter to Dr. Phil and volunteered to go on his show to discuss this issue, as I have not seen it addressed on his show thus far. I think there are a lot of us late bloomers out here who are not anywhere near ready to be put out to pasture. Especially since there is no pasture. I feel very young and strong and capable and smarter than ever. I think I could work well into my sixties, and since the average time a person stays at any one job these days is three years, I deserve the same consideration as anyone.
I have to fight hard to keep my confidence up, because there have been circumstances in my life that have caused me to lose everything - for some of which I must take responsibility. I must somehow overcome the voices in my head that try to convince me I will be summarily dismissed from anyone's mind as soon as they see me. They love my resume, my letters, and the way I talk on the phone. It's just when Abercrombie and Fitch is not across the table from them at the interview that their eyes seem to dim. That scares me. I have a lot to give and need to work to live and deserve to make a good living. I know that it is only my fear that stops me, but what happens in the world sometimes makes points for the case of the mean little voices.
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I believe it is most important for you to be confident in yourself, your abiliities and your value. When I was a young woman and director of a mental health clinic, I hired an office manager who was very close to retirement age. She, too, felt she may not get the position due to her age. However, I found her experience and expertise to be invaluable. She was a wonderful asset to the organization and I never once regreted hiring her.
There are many valuable assests that an older worker brings to the table that cannot be matched by their younger colleagues. Focus on the positive. Know your assets and make sure the potential employer is also aware of them.
Look your best, bring your confidence to the interview and you will land the position that is right for you. Remember, we always find what we are searching for in the last place we look.
I suggest you make a list of your assests and keep them in front of you. Think positive. Optimism has many wonderful benefits.
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I too wonder how and if I should go after a formal education. Is there really a job market for the older worker? Will it be worth the debt I would be carrying? The alternative is being stuck in an dead end job which was ok when I had a husband and family. But now I have neither. The fear is what keeps me procrastinating. The fear of failure yet again in my life.
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You are not alone in allowing fear to keep you from going after what you truly want. Fear is most common cause of procrastination. There are many credible universities that offer degree programs online. You could check them out and maybe start with an online course. Or, take one course at a regular college to put your feet in the water. Can you find ways to fund your education without going into debt? Many older adults are going back to school. I believe there is a job market for the older worker, we have a work ethic that is often absent from the younger generation. Employers know this. Besides, perhaps you can make your own job. I say go after what you truly want and do it because you love it. The enthusiasm will show in the job interview. Please do explore possible education grants and other financial aid possibilities to minimize debt.
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I imagine one has to really dig deep to find what one truly wants. That is a feat in itself. I came from a large family, and thinking individually rather than for the family was not encouraged. Being married and then having children I found again there was no room/need to think about me. I have tried two therapists over the past seven years. I really don't know if I care to try another. I am looking into furthering my education. It does look daunting, but I agree that procrastination doesn't make it happen. Thank you for your feed back.
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OMG! Finding this site is a godsend!
I am 48 years old let go from a job of 17 years in February, the last 7 as a VP.
No formal education yet worked VERY hard to move up the ranks in the entertainment industry. Three children, 14, 13 & 7. I have sent my resume out almost DAILY to no response. I attempt to network however my heart no longer in the field I was in so could have a negative impact why I can not find a job or dare I say, my age which again may be myself talk for an excuse?
My husband who was let go three years ago became Mr. Mom. At the time we thought less expensive than paying a nanny and heck his job wasn't all that great and I was making enough..
Now he cannot find a job. I cannot find a job, despite my professional experience.
I met a very interesting woman while vacationing in Cabo with my sister. (It was my reward to myself with the coaxing of my sister, she's 53 and obviously a bad influence!) The woman told me her lifestory which is basically she is becoming at doctor, General Practioner over the age of 50! She is currently a resident! She too was let go from the corporate world at age 45. However her two children were over 15. She decided to go back to school and now She's going to be a doctor! I only know her as Freddie from Colorado, never got her info and never saw her again..only remember how inspired I was by her.
I came back from Cabo, advised my husband to get ANY job, and I mean any job..KFC? and I enrolled full time in the community college. I have over 20 credits from the different points in my life when I attended schools however always managed to get a better job so dropped out! The credits are only worth 9!
Betsey, Sandy, finding this website reinforces that I should continue my goal to FINALLY go after the job I have always wanted since childhood which was to be a teacher! I too wonder if they'll hire me at 53! Can I support my family over the next four years!
Am I being selfish in expecting my family to sacrifice expensive vacations and Aber. & Fitch clothing?
We are currently entirely DEBT free! My older son is HF Autistic, my middle son is a very talented, dancer, performer and my youngest is the light of my life with his sense of humor and ability to roll with it.
However the cost of medical insurance is what our mortgage was...thank you congress for doing such a great job during the 109 days you actually WORK!
Betsey, it is wonderful to read your blog and I look forward to checking back to read how you're doing. YOU GO!!!
Sandy, I cannot wait to read your book. I hope its as inspirational as this site!
I look forward to reading many more blogs and to motivate and be inspired.
THANK YOU!!!
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Thank you so much for your kind words. There are so many of us that find ourselves starting new carreers or changing carreers after the age of 50. I admire you for pursuing the career of your dreams. As to whether they will hire you as a teacher at 53, I do not believe there is an age limit on wisdom and skill. You can always contact the schoold district and ask. However, I am sure they will not tell you no because that would be age discimination which is not allowed in the public sector. If you are a good teacher I am confident there will be a job for you.
How many times over the years have you sacrificed for your family?
How important are designer clothes to the well being and success of your family members? Will it matter 5 years from now?
What will it do for you to land the job you have always wanted?
Sandy
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Is this still an active site? I was so inspired to finally find it, but only to see entries from October 2007.
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Thank you, Sandy.
I have just taken my last final and graduation is next Monday. I am really terrified. I think what I need is to do a lot of walking for the next few days because I am just zoned out and physically frumpy from studying.
I will work on that list.
Betsey
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I am so thankful that I found this page. I am over 50 - empty nester and have been in an abusive marriage for over 20years just trying to live. Now since I am all alone - just my husband and myself, I truely see myself for who I am and where I need to be. And it is not in this relationship any longer. But how do I start over? I have a high school education -I work full time/but its contract work. I've written a journal of poems that has help me throughout this last few years that describes how I feel about myself. But with no idea of where I am going and afraid of what will happen to me. I sit here in my life. My oldest daughter sees me as being weak and my youngest daughter (whom) is in college trys to understand and support me. I have taken myself from around my friends because I hate for people to see what I have allowed myself too become. I want to leave and start over (MY LIFE) (I WANT IT BACK) But I dont know how to do it. I went back to college for almost a semester but I just felt that I couldnt catch on fast as the younger students. I go on interviews but I cant seem to pass the new computer tests that are given, even with over 18 years of Customer Service experience. I thought I was the only over 5o woman that felt like this? Please continue your book I would be happy to read it. Please may I be placed on your email list?
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Have you heard the saying today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can do nothing about your past and everything about your future. Get yourself a good personal life coach or even a therapist to help you regain your confidence. Your life can be what you want it to be. It is important to take steps toward your goal. If you have difficulty with sitting in class with younger students try online classes or webinars. There are lots of options. Do not give up. Make a plan and work your plan.
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I awoke this morning with one thought: Find out how to get on with my life. As I browsed I came across this site and the one letter which really described my state was from Celestine. Till now, I thought it was just me.......As much as it distresses me to find that others are going through th same thing I'm relieved to find that I'm not alone; this gives me hope.
Please continue your research as you can't imagine how helpful it is just to know that it's not just me.
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My favorite saying is Just Hold On. I tell myself that often. I have move away and starting over is a struggle. I am working back in customer service and my husband is hanging around. My book of poems is complete but when I let people read it they immediately think I seeking pity. My poems expresses the pain that I've been in for so many years. My poems tells about how I see others and how I think others see me. I work a lot of hours just to pay my rent but I can now sleep at night and not be afraid of being physcially hurt. I would love to share my favorite poem that I wrote that best describe me.
Lord I’m But A Ragged Doll
By: Celestine davis
I am but a Ragged Doll, Lord. All battered, bruised and beaten
Wanting to be Loved, when nothing else seem to matter. Mistreated by the one that took me in saying he will love me forever.
Lord, I am but a Ragged Doll stressed out from the worries of my every day trials.
Lord, I am but like a Ragged Doll, Weary, Ugly and Unseen.
My clothes are unmatched and worn.
My appearance is torn to the seam.
My voice is but a whisper in the crowd.
My soul aches from my misery as I CRY OUT LOUD.
My heart breaks from so much tragedy.
My body hurts from the abuse that I take.
My mind is housed by the verbal garbage that enters it every day.
Forgive me for my ugly ways & my ugly thoughts.
For, that’s all that I know from this world I’ve brought.
Lord I seek you – mend me new, make me whole, make me your Doll
And I know that I will be loved forever.
Show me how to Love You!
As I seek the way to Love Myself.
I’m told that you are the Lover of My Soul
I’m told that only YOU can make ME WHOLE.
You are never alone.
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Celestine,
Writing is great therapy. I commend you for doing what you needed to do to free yourself of a bad situation. Peace of mind is priceless.
Your poem is now on the web!
Going forward I advise you to keep a gratitude journal. Write down something you are grafeful for and why each day. It will help you keep a positive outlook. Starting over is a struggle but not impossible. Set your eye on a goal and don't ever give up until you reach it.
Perhaps you would be interested in one of my coaching groups. www.newdirectionsbh.com You can attend the first session for free.
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I would love to have a life coach! But they cost money. I am up to my ears in debt. I need to save for my retirement. how can I afford a life coach?
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In response to your question as to how you can afford a life coach, I can put a request out on the list serve for a pro bono or reduced fee coach. There are plenty of coaches who need to accumulate hours and get a build a coaching practice who will coach you for a reduced fee. Just say the word.
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Thanks very much, but actually I have found a solution. I have been looking for a church here in Nashville for a long time, and finally found one where I feel very much at home. The Lord is my life coach, but he(she) works through people. This is not a journey we make alone. My net friends have been wonderful, and I plan to keep them, but I think I really needed to get out and actively persue friendships in my community. I have been hesitant to do this so far because my husband is not interested in doing so. Finally I realized that if I wanted friends, I would have to go find them by myself, and a church like the one in which I was raised was just the place to start. So that I did, and I feel really good about it. I'm certain that if I keep going, Terry will eventually come with me.
I'm not saying that church is the only place to find friends, but it takes an effort to go out and mingle with others who share your interests, hobbies, sports or whatever. Friends don't usually come find you. You have to find them. but you don't have to pay them. It's sort of a two-way coaching exchange. Works for me.
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I agree that finding friends is very important. Since I am my own bread winner, I have to work two jobs. I find by the time I am done working for the day .. around 9 Pm .. there is no one available to carry a friendship on with! They are all settled in with their families and home for the night. Maybe I am missing the obvious. Perhaps someone can point some way to connect with people while still working my jobs?
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After 17 yrs of marriage- my husband let me know this yr on my 52nd birthday that I am too old for him. He wants a 29 yr old. I haven't worked since my 30's so I would be free to travel with my husband (a truck driver) because he wanted me to. Over the years he has pulled me away from any friends & family & life as most people know it. I now find myself feeling terrified because I will be homeless, careerless & penniless. I have no friends or family to help or take me in. I am faced with this on my own. He always said we'd be together forever- I foolishly believed him. We have filed for divorce- I feel relief for that since I am tired of his anger & abuse. But there is no money, property etc. I feel lucky to get my old car & $500 a month for a year. But where do I go from here? I feel so afraid I won't be able to find something I can handle doing & that will also support me on my own without my husbands paycheck to help out. I fear that all these years out of the real world & just around him I won't be able to fit in anymore. I feel hurt that he seems to have so easily just tossed me aside for his dream of a young girl. I want to land on my feet & be okay- but I feel like I'm too tired to keep fighting what feels like a long uphill climb. Debi
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Debi:
I've just found this site and hope that someone other than myself responded back to you. Are you alright? Going through something like this can leave you numb and tired. I know, I'm going through something very similar except my divorce has not gone thorugh yet. We are still together but it's like being in the house with a different person. Divorce, abandoment (physical or emotional) is like a death. The major difference is that you don't have the opportunity to have a funeral. The other party is alive and "doing well". Their life goes on as if they have done nothing wrong while you are left with all of these feelings.
I hope you have not taken any bad advice and tried to rush into a new relationship. This is really your time to heal and find out who you really are! While life can be scary, you do have everything you need to make it through.
I hope that someone has reached out to you to offer spiritual support because this is a major part of healing.
Yes, it is an uphill climb but take it one step at a time. I only ask God to help me get through one day at a time.
And finally, Debi, don't be too hard on yourself. You were faithful and loving to your husband all of those years, believe me it is his lost.
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9-15-07 -
While cruising the web for blogs, etc. pertaining to starting over after 50, I found this site. I notices the last entry was May 2007 - is this blog still active??? would like to participate, if it is still 'alive'....
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Obviosly I have not been making regular posts. This is something I will work to correct. I did not realize there was so much interest, as I have not been getting notification of posts. This is also something I will work to correct. Please feel free to contribute.
Sandy
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I am a 55 years old graduating this year with my Associates degree and I never realized how much age discrimination exists in the job market until now. Although I am confident in my abilities and consider myself above average in the field I work in, I cannot seem to find an opportunity to become what I have worked so hard for all these years. It is frustrating to feel very talented and not be able to apply the skills you have. It is even more frustrating to observe other people with less skills be given an opportunity that I would cherish.
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Debi,
Get the best attorney you can. You won't be homeless. He owes you spousal support and at least half of everything you've had. If he's led you to believe you're going to be homeless, a good attorney will turn that on it's head. Get moving, girl! Don't be afraid of him. He should be afraid of you. Do it!
Jane
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Please give yourself more credit. I am 59& am starting over after a 38 year marriage with almost nothing. Right now I am paying almost $500.00 a month to my ex & I am only paid 7.75 an hr.But I am going on because there is no other way out of the mess.Our family is in ruin. I don't get to see my grandchildren because our daughters have joined my husbands side of the divorce because he has the money . See your story isn't the only sad story. But if I can make it, anyone can
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